Sunday, February 15, 2015
Hello again after 1.5 years. I am getting really
inconsistent on this. But will pop by time and time to write whenever I get the
time and inspiration.
Many things have happened since I last blogged. Changes in
life wait for no one. Sometimes you don’t push for a change, the change pulls
you along.
Yes, gotten married last independence day. It was a busy
2014. With all that planning, and hiccups. Learnt to appreciate my grandma and
aunts, and especially my parents more. Amidst the chaos, they were my anchor
and advisors. And most importantly, avid supporters. It was nice to see
everyone participate enthusiastically and made it a point to contribute.
2014 has been a rough patch.
With rude realisations on characters of seemingly harmless origins. A steep learning
curve, and lots of lessons on love, or the lack of.
In life, there will be 5 kinds
of family members
1)
Those who wants to keep their distance, and are
neutral (neither harmful nor benevolent). Their value-add score: 0/10.
2)
Those who want to remain close, and make it an
effort to. And in doing so, share experiences and advises, and be open about
criticisms. Value add Score: 8/10
3)
Those who want to leech on whenever possible,
only looking to take and not to give. Value add score: -6. (they are takers and
hence has nothing to lose if you are not willing to give)
4)
Those who pretend to be number 2 but are in fact
number 3. Value add score: -8.
5)
Those who keep quiet to ‘keep’ peace, who
pretend that problems are non-existence and when surfaced, to seek the victim
to compromise with the perpetuator. Those who possess the power and authority,
but will want to be the ‘good’ guy no matter what, even if they know they ought
to stand up for injustice. Value add score: -10.
And I have the (dis)honour to
have come across some extended family who fall 2 to 5.
People who pretend to welcome
you but secretly wish for the non-existence of you for their own selfish
reasons and plans, which is material. Those who so blatantly take their words
back, and carry on with their selfish plans at the expense of you, without even
blinking an eye, or seeking understanding.
Then those who act blur, act all
unknowing, till the problem really crops up. Then try to pull a fast one to get
the less aggressive one to compromise. Then get annoyed and upset at the victim
when the victim decides to cut losses and leave. I write this with no emotion,
and no pity. The ‘(In)justice Bao’ deserves all the repercussions of his lack
of stand and firmness.
There is no such thing as peace
in the world so long as you have a perpetuator. To root the problem in the butt
can only be done by someone in authority. But if that someone chooses to
ignore, the perpetuator gets away and starts to think what they are doing is
fine. That’s when the problem begins. This theory applies to EVERYTHING in
life- crime, upbringing of children, family, training of pets… It’s a universal
law. But despite it being so universal, it is poorly understood.
Or perhaps they understand it,
but fall into the category of 3. Why not benefit when someone is willing to
lose? Now they need to know that not everyone falls into the ‘pushover’
category. Well, maybe they just need to know that hubby and I both don’t. =)
After 6 months of relative
suffering at the in-laws (you nv know how comfortable the sofa is till you need
to sit on some hard chair), I am happy to be home. Despite having to pay rental
to mummy (no entitlement and I love her style of upbringing), I feel at home
again. Now money isn’t everything. I wish I could tell number 3 that. But I
wait, for karma to tell them instead. Bitches love company!
I am glad I found someone who
believes in the same mentality about life. I am glad I have a mother who knows
when to let me into the sea with a rope, and when to start retracting that rope.
Blood relations doesn’t mean
family. Family doesn’t have to be blood related. How many of us are ashamed
that in the eyes of the public, we are ‘family’ with someone of lousy character
just because we are blood related? And how many of us can think of a friend who
will not hesitate to come forward if you are in deep shi*, despite not being
blood related?
Birds of the same feathers flock
together. But sibling birds can be of different feathers, and different species
of birds can have the same feathers. Hatching from the same nest does not mean
you are stuck with each other for life. Because when you are older, you learn
to fly. Come back to your nest once in awhile, but you eventually need to build
your own, hatch your own eggs. Then at a certain cycle of life, let the little
ones go build a nest of their own.
Ever seen a grown-up bird use
their parent’s nest for egg hatching if they had a choice? Some humans ought to
reflect a lot more. Bird-brain is an understatement.
Just The Girl @
5:35 PM
Friday, September 13, 2013
Been eons since i posted i don't even know if i have lost the skill of blogging. But here it goes.
Sometimes we get lost in the world we create in our head. Some
never get out of that fairy tale and blame many others for their misery. But if
we would stop walking in blind faith and listen to bystanders, we might
suddenly discover that the path that we have been so stubbornly trekking on is
not leading us to our destination we had set so long ago. Sometimes you may
even find it hard to recall what was your original destination. But once you
reconcile your current location and your marked location on the map, you now
face a difficult choice.
To follow your original intention and detour, or to carry on
and see what this path leads you to.
How bad did you want your original intended destination?
Perhaps you were heading towards a lake but now see a beautiful mountain at the
end of this route. Just as enticing as canoeing in the lake, you are also
excited about the beautiful view from the mountain. You know you can canoe, but
how sure are you that the mountain is climbable. Do you wanna head back to the
lake in the other direction, not having any glimpse if the lake you wanted to
go to will be disappointing because it is small, or do you wanna change plans
and track towards that mountain, although uncertain if you would ever be able
to scale it?
1) you can see the new destination, but not the intended old
one
2) you have come a long way it is tedious to head back the
other direction
We miss out an important point though. That the map could be
wrong. That either destination we choose, we can never be sure about anything.
Isn't that the exciting but yet frustrating thing about life? That is why many
turn to religion, thinking that if they just go ahead with life or choose a
path with some 'guidance' from above and it turns out good, it is THE path. Yet
if it doesn't, we can be consoled that it is probably better than the other
because it was a 'guided' decision. Sometimes we push the responsibility of our
own actions to the force of 'nature'.
But sometimes, instead of being on the move,let's lay a mat
to enjoy the present scene and focus on what's indeed around us. flowers we can
touch and grass we can feel. Moreover, it's better that we refresh and think
carefully about which path we really want before making a decision, than to
continue in the wrong direction because we made a lousy decision when we were
tired and disappointed. We call that a retreat at a mid-way crisis, and
sometimes that's what all of us need.
STOP- 'Stay There, Orientate Properly' before you make
another wrong decision.
Just sometimes wonder if God says 'Hey I didnt direct you there, you didnt listen attentively so dont blame Me when you find yourself in the dessert!'
Just The Girl @
9:28 PM
Friday, April 27, 2012
Read a book: the Pregnancy Project, on how a high school girl faked a pregnancy for her final year to study human reactions and stereotypes. Having come from a single parent family where her own mum and sisters were teen mums, everyone expected her to follow their footsteps. in other words, no one expected much out of her.
She has however, been able to score the best grades, take on leadership roles etc with her own capabilities. But whilst the news of the 'pregnancy' got out, a sister who had very much ignored her and cursed that she shouldnt be smug cuz she would likely end up like them, was her source of support. So was her boyfriend who was aware of the entire situation, and promised to go through the criticism etc of bystanders with her.
many things i learnt from this real life experiment:
1) do not let other's expectations of you affect your own expectations of yourself.
2) beware of those who are all smiles, and do not hate those who put you down, as you will never know they will be the one standing by you at the end of the day. Look at the criticism in terms of the issue, and not personally.
3) be thankful of the little opportunities you have. there is one part where she said an illegal immigrant went over to the US at age 7, risking his life by doing so. he worked hard all the way to get scholarships and lost it when they found out he wasn't legal. now he faces the risk of deportation and his past 10 yrs of hard work.
4) sometimes, in adversity, you only need one person to believe in you. i am glad i found that one person in my life. =)
A girl who gave birth, went back to school and afew weeks later graduated with the highest score was given only half the honour of being a valedictorian because the school did not want to marr the records with a black sheep. the next highest GPA gave half the speech. It sucks but stereotypes do exist and one mistake is all you need.
so think twice before you make any 'societal mistake', and thrice before you give anyone that dirty look.
Just The Girl @
12:06 PM
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Life is a learning journey. Today I discovered several things about myself.
People make the same mistakes again and again. It may come as different forms but they all stem from a core issue (i wouldnt say its a prob cuz it's just how you view it)
When you realise history repeating itself, esp if you dont like it, it's time to review why.
I personally used the enneagram to analyse myself today. I planned for an activity lovingly, but things didnt turn out as i planned. then i started to think (i mean, overthink), and then i started to play the 'not fair' game...feeling like i'm the only idiot who set aside time and effort. But the truth is, when someone doesnt speak it, doesnt mean he doesnt think it or plan it. From my relaxed enneagram number 2 (loving), i went into my stressed self number 5 (thinker), then back to my normal self number 8 (challenger)-thats when i feel things are unfair, and started trying to challenge and bring 'justice' to the situation.
Also found out that i'm a vedic moon in virgo recently. Such pple are anal and have high standards of self and others. but who is to judge what is the standard? as a famous saying goes, just cuz you dont get what you want, doesnt mean that your loved ones love you any less. maybe it's time i take a breather, and a step back..to realise that one may be giving 100%, though it may not be what i expect.
I have concluded that a pure heart with a genuinely good intention, giving a 100% percent is almost enough. Topped with icing of wanting continuous self improvement, and one's own fighting spirit.
Just The Girl @
9:19 PM
Sunday, August 14, 2011
A marriage is a contract. If two are in love, why is there a need for a contract to bind them together? If one cheated on the other and decided to stay together because of a contract, is it love? If you know of an old couple who has been married for the last 50 years, would you think that they truly love each other? If you know of an old couple who stayed together for the last 50 years without marriage, wouldn’t you think that the latter couple is DEFINITELY much more in love than the former?
Marriage and love are mutually exclusive. Love can exist without marriage and marriage can be kept without love.
If you want to know if a person is available, don’t ask if he/she is married. Ask if he/she is in love.
-got this from a friend..she read it on a blog. enjoy! =)
Just The Girl @
6:50 PM
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Little did many know that our dear Isaac Newton (yes, the one who studied falling apples) was a psychologist too. Here's why.
Newton's first law states that without a net force, an object will remain stationary if it was stationary, and will continue moving if it was moving in the first place. The law of inertia.
How often have you felt inertia about doing something, but once you start on it, you can't stop? this can include eating popcorns, exercising, and yes, even working. yes, workaholics, that's you.
Newton's second law states that if there is an uneven force, there is an acceleration or deceleration. Many a time we go cruising along our lives, till we experience a setback, till someone gives us a push..then we change the speed of things..eg demise of a workaholic who dedicated their entire life to the company slows us down in our conquest to climb the corporate ladder...a nasty comment from someone causes us to reflect and 'do something' about our current 'pathetic' position.
Newton's third law states that with every action, there is a reaction. This one is easy. try punching some stranger on the street. you will understand why.
Salutez to Newton.
Just The Girl @
8:17 PM
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Spent 2.5 hours talking to an insurance trainer yesterday..almost convinced to join the business, to earn for my uni fees.. but just gonna state two big reasons why I decided not to, in the end.
1) 40 compulsory hours to be clocked at my current full time job, plus another 30 hours to be clocked at the insurance company is a killer. Its not that i'm unwilling to work long hours. i'm a certified workaholic, but having been thru the workaholic phase, i know i need my sports and sleep to be happy, and fufilled.
2) still not really 100% comfortable with the concept of the large cut of commission i will get as an insurance. Also, even if i do well and earn enough for the year, the agent whom i pass my portfolios to, will be the one subsequently benefiting for the rest of the years that the contract is on.
So, yes, as much as i really want to study overseas and need the cash badly, i still decided against it. for my own mental and physical health, and my conscience. Choose to refute it if you wish. but that's how i think for now, and i'm a taurus.
one full day of research on universities today and i came to a big conclusion. frustrated that all the criminal psychology courses are either too expensive (because they are all in the states, or UK and they literally 'slaughter' foreigners with the high tuition fees), or they are not where i want to resident. also, in the US, where all pharmacists are all high and mighty with a pharmD, there is no way i can make use of my degree to get licenced there and earn for my next degree.
Even in Canada, where I am aiming to resident, the fees are exorbitant for foreigners. the only solution i can think of, is to do my masters in pharmacy in a low-cost quiet university there, preferably under partial scholarship, while getting my pharmacy licence, then get my residency, take on a career as a pharmacist there while studying my true passion: criminal psychology.
Been aiming at this course since i was 16..but 8 years later, I am a pharmacist still yearning for the course. The road is long and winding, with many many things, and maybe even relationships i give up along the way..but my love for studying and staying overseas..is too great for me to give up. I honestly wish there could just be some kindhearted soul who will sponsor. in my dreams maybe? haha.
Money is not everything, but it's important. but so are other things in life. Hence, i believe that although i will be taking a really long winding, and maybe lonely road, that i will see many things and experience many things many do not have the chance to see.
cheers to the marathon to come.
Life is a journey. A long one indeed. =)
Just The Girl @
9:40 PM
